i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
