Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
