Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My underwear smells like fireworks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Randomize
