I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
