U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
