You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
