It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
