Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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