I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
