I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
