Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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