As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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