glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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