so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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