addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
