Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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