i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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