I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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