in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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