If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this boner is exhausting
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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