I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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