just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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