Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize