We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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