Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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