Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
