the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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