If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
