so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
smell my finger.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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