Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
