I am spending my child support on dildos
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize