You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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