I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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