I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
