Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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