go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
