I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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