had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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