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The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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