hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
