so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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