Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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