Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
