I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
