my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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