My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
