so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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