today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize