i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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