no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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