Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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