What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
