i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need moral support for this bender
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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