So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
