never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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