dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
