does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
