I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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