YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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