i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize