it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
