also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
