The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
