Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
