her vagine was all disorganized.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Enjoy the penises
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
