He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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