wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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