Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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