Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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